Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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