by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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