her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
