can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize