i just google imaged poop.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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