So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
