i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
