Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
