would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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