I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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