you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
