She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
