Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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