Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
