he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
