Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
