Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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