Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
