New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
