I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My vagina is officially offended.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
