i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dignity is for republicans.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
