I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
