I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
