He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
