You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
