I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
