Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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