When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
