You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I smell stomach acid.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
