ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
