dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
