i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
