is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
