If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
