if you like me you must not know who I am
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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