Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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