the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
