Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
