broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
