Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
