I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
