you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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