Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
