Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
