Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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