Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
