wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
