I think I won the penis lottery.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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