Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
