tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
