I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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