I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
